a juggling goodbye

My friend Michelle posted this post about juggling and I was thinking today about how I feel like I juggle kids, adults, paperwork, classes, relationships, balance, etc. all day...every day.    

Today I made dinner for a dear friend who is moving back to Ohio this weekend.  I remember the day that I met her. I remember thinking "she looks nice but I doubt we have anything in common." Little did I know we would become "besties" (a term she coined when I was transfered to a different school and no longer taught next door to her).  She and I carpooled together everyday.  We had heated debates over the presidential election, life, religion, politics at 6am everyday.   She brought depth and insight into my life.  She was my lifeline at Shiloh and was the best friend there was the day I found out I was moving to BH.  She repacked my room as I furiously ripped things off the wall and threw everything on the floor.  She calmed me down as I sobbed in the hallway. She moved all my crap and helped me set up my room and the whole time made me laugh by telling me that I was going to replace her with a new bestie.

(Funny. I love BH more than I ever knew I could and she and I joke about the differences all the time.)

I remember waiting at the hospital for days waiting for her to have her sweet babe and then finally getting to hold sweet Hayley. Hayley was so tiny and I felt like I was part of the family.  I was a proud aunt.  Once she came home from the hospital,  I came over to hold the babe and feel asleep with Hayley in my arms. I feel in love with that baby from the minute I ever held her.

I remember the day that I got a call from her in the middle of the night wailing that her husband was leaving.  I talked to her all night and all morning as I got ready to leave for the mountains for a wedding (ironic).  I packed up the car and sleeplessly got in the car and started driving towards the western part of the state.  I remember thinking that I needed gas, but would stop closer to SC because it was less expensive.  Still on the phone with her, I stopped at a gas station and could not find my wallet...my purse...any form of money.  I panicked. I left my wallet/purse at home and I was halfway to the mountains, out of gas, and without any money or id.  She drove with her 4 month old baby to come pick me up and give me money so I could buy gas and run back to my house to get my forgotten wallet.

I have walked through her life (with her) and have learned so much. I am so thankful for her. She has single handedly raised a little girl.  When we are out she lets me hold the baby and take all the credit.  She lets me pretend that the baby is mine and when every one tells me what I beautiful baby I have and I say thank you ...she cracks up.

What a sweet friend I have.  I cherish our friendship. One of honesty, reality, and tough conversations.  She challenges me and I will miss her. She didn't believe me that I got pooly on the way to work yesterday, but I did.


Back to the juggling. Everyone juggles something. MB juggles divorce, a job, and a baby.  I juggle grad school, teaching, volunteering, and relationships. Just like I juggled trying to not overcook the corn, let the mushrooms sweat enough, and not burn the zucchini and squash.  You can't even see the chicken that I was grilling on the deck.  Isn't that similar to life though? There is always something that people are juggling that you can't really see.  This week I was struggling and I couldn't really verbalize why, but I was snappy, quick to lose my temper, and in complete panic mode.  It just took one person to stop and ask what was really going on to snap me out of it all.  



Lately, I feel like I juggle too much and so much goes untouched. I am not a good enough friend, I am not being the best teacher I can be, I am not being active in pursuing new friendships, I am not prepared enough, my house isn't clean enough, the Y wouldn't recognize me anymore, or I am not volunteering enough at church.

I. am. doing. the. best. I. can.

So, juggling may not be my forte but right now I think all the balls are successfully in the air.

whew.

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